I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Acid is not a monday night drug
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Randomize
