I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
