walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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