You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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