I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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