Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just found puke in my bra..
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
