He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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