she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
