Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
