Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
