Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
