we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Randomize
