maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
