just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
