Whod you bang
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
