I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
