how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
