Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
