I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
