Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
