Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
