Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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