Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
