just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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