everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
