I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We are two peas in an std pod
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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