Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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