Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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