last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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