hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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