JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
