That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You need Xanax blowdarts
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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