so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
