I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
