There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
