i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
