god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
