You made me cry and you don't even care
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
