i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
