It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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