I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
