dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
