apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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