community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
