good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
