"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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