It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
