She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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