GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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