She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
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I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
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What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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