How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
