You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
