apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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