she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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