Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
