Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
