i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
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