remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
