When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
