In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
YAS. BRING CRAB.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
