Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
