Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
