she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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