you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
