you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
