My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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