Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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