Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
