Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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