the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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