i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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