there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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