I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
