just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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