Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
