Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
