There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
