im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
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Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
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I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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