I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
