does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i will never coherently bang her
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
