hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
