Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
