I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
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I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
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DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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